Thanks for sharing this question. I’ve traveled in many circles with men and women who have faced struggles in their hopes to build a family, and so I understand how hard it can be to face the reality that pregnancy may not be the way God invites us to live out a vocation to marriage and family. My wife and I have faced infertility, which like miscarriage involves loss.
Perhaps the most important response to this grief is to remember that no one need feel alone in their struggle. Have a look at a short piece on the foryourmarriage.org website—hosted by the U.S. Bishops’ Conference as part of their marriage initiative:
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/interior_template.asp?id=20399064
This article explores responses to miscarriage, underscoring the need to take that grief seriously.
At the risk of self-promotion, I offer that my new book Longing to Love was inspired by our struggles to let go of our hopes for pregnancy and our slow but fulfilling embrace of adoption as the way God has called us to family life. I don’t want to diminish how painful letting go of hopes for pregnancy can be—it can be a devastating process. But as we are reminded especially during this Lenten season, our faith is a faith of hope out of terrible suffering. It is important to take the suffering very seriously; but it is equally important to take the hope very seriously, even if it takes work. Grief is difficult work; hope is promising work. Your friend’s miscarriages are part of the hard work, but I think God says that there is hope to come.
