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A Real Life Story - 18 & Pregnant

Anonymous  /  03/08/10

I grew up in a small town before moving to a larger city for Cosmetology school. I never thought that I would be starting a new chapter of my life with a secret. It was a secret that I needed to take care of and one that I wanted to keep in my past and forget it ever happened.

At 18 years old, I became pregnant. "This had to be a mistake," I thought. I couldn't imagine taking care of a child when I didn't know if I could even take care of myself. Even though I was moving to a place where I had family, I still felt alone...from the very beginning! I knew or had a feeling that I was pregnant before I left for school, so I told the father about it. He said, "Everything will be just fine, and it will all work out." As much as he was trying to make me feel better, I was the one who had to carry this problem around; I was the one who was going to get big; I was the one who had to do it all!

As I started Cosmetology school, I made new friends while still trying to figure out how to take care of the problem I had. Even though I was making friends, I didn't know if they were true friends or not. Coming from a small town of everyone knowing everything, I had a hard time figuring out if I could trust any of them or not. As the months went on, I tried to go on and pretend nothing was wrong. I tried to focus on my school, and making friends. As the months went on and changes started to take place, it was getting impossible to ignore the reality.

I then thought of ways that I could "take care of it" myself. I took up smoking and getting drunk for a brief time, but that didn't do anything. As I was about four months along, I started to look into abortion. Knowing that I was brought up in a strong Roman Catholic family and taught that abortion was wrong, I still looked into it. As far as I was concerned, this baby was a problem, and it needed to be gone.

Around the same time, four months along, I started to feel something that most mothers couldn't wait to feel. My baby started kicking. The reality grew stronger and stronger, and I became angrier and was still in denial. As he would kick, I would try and judge where he was, and I would punch my stomach as hard as I could over and over again! Thank God he was kept safe, but I wasn't that happy at the time. I found out how much an abortion at my term would cost, and that is when it hit home. I had no money and my options were getting smaller and smaller.

I remember the day where I couldn't take it anymore, and it was the day where my heart became very heavy. At this time, four and a half months along, I found a great group of friends. We were all sitting there, and someone asked if I was alright. I told them yes, but I was still so distracted because I knew that I would now have this baby...how things worked out from there, I had no idea. I don't know why my heart was heavy. I don't know if it was because I felt guilty about what I tried to do to my baby, or if it was the fact that I knew I was going to go through something that was going to change my life forever.

That same day, I wrote my two good friends a letter and gave it to them on break. I told them that I was pregnant and that I didn't know what to do. I told them that I was thinking abortion, but that I couldn't go through with it (I always knew I couldn't but I was so scared at the time). All they did was smile and gave me a huge hug. They told me that things will work out and that they were there for me. I was four and a half months along; I hadn't been to the doctor yet; and my family still did not know. My girlfriend took me to Walgreens to get prenatal vitamins, and she told me that it is time to tell my family.

I lived with my older sister at the time, and I wanted to tell her so badly! I wrote her a letter too. Writing was a way for me to get all my feelings out. She was so shocked! But she gave me a hug, told me she loved me, and that she will be there for me every step of the way. I know she was disappointed, just like the rest of my family would be, but it was time to do the right thing. To be continued...

Look for Part 2 of A Real Life Story - 18 & Pregnant coming soon on iibloom.com.

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